


I Won't Let You Drown

by Ererifangirl80



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, this shit is deep, twenty one pilots - Freeform, |-/ - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-04
Updated: 2017-02-04
Packaged: 2018-09-21 23:24:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9571514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ererifangirl80/pseuds/Ererifangirl80
Summary: Tyler Joseph is depressed, Josh is happy. Josh is anxious, Tyler is brave. Together they might make a normal person.





	1. You will survive to see tomorrow

"Get in the car. Buckle up." Tyler said to himself, his heart pounding as he got behind the wheel. "it's easy. just don't crash." it was easy enough to say, but when there is a voice in your head constantly whispering about how good your car would look wrapped around a telephone pole or a tree trunk, driving becomes difficult. 

" just ignore him, he will go away." he spoke into the cold February air, no one around but his own thoughts to hear. 

deep breath in.

 

don't hold it, you can't die that way, you've tried it. 

He started the engine and drove. 

 

_______________

 

"you don't look so good." 

"oh, good morning to you too." 

"tyler, you look like you've been up all night crying. your eyes are red." 

"Josh.." 

"Is it happening again?" 

"no." 

"You sure?" 

"positive."

"you'll tell me if it does.. won't you?" 

" of course, joshy." 

"good." 

"alright." 

 

_________________

Tyler wept. It wasn't pretty. 

Josh sat by his side, his arms wrapped tight around the other.  
Tyler couldn't tell you why he was crying, and neither could Josh. This was how they worked. Tyler cried, Josh held him, Josh panicked, Tyler held his face so he would focus on only him. In these moments they were the only thing the other had. There was no one else, no parents, no friends, no cameras. 

Tyler wept. His heart broken by his own mind. 

"you told me you would tell me when it happened again." 

"i know." 

 

_____________

"Tyler!" 

" i'm right here." 

"What if they find me?" 

"they won't." 

"how do you know?!" 

"because.." 

"you don't think they are real do you. You think i'm making them up."

"i believe you josh." 

"you do?"

"of course." 

" why?"

"because." 

"why is that all you say?"

".. "

"and why is it enough?"

 

____________

They had a good relationship without much communication. 

Tyler always thought they should talk more, but neither made a conscious effort to do so. 

They spoke with their actions, showing each other what they wanted to say. 

"our souls are communicating for us." josh had once said, and tyler believed him. he always did.

" how do you know we have a soul? what if we are all just empty?" 

" we have too many demons to be empty." 

 

_____________

"why?" 

"because."

"stop saying that. "

"why?"

"because.."

"now you are doing it."

"tyler please.. don't mess with my head." 

"i'm not." 

"yes you are." 

" how do you know it's me and not someone else?"

"is it?"

"is it what?"

"someone else?"

"i don't know.. no?"

"good." 

"why good?" 

"because I don't wanna talk to someone else." 

"why not? why do you want to talk to tyler?"

"because.. i think i'm in love with him." 

 

_________

 

It had been a week since they started dating. It was strange. The only way tyler could explain it was " it's like you're drowning with no way to the surface, but instead of your lungs burning for air, they are burning for someone." 

It wouldn't make sense to someone else, but to Tyler and Josh it made perfect sense. 

________

"Josh.."

"what is it Tyler?" 

"why are humans afraid of the dark?"

"because. when it's dark, the demons in your head have another place to hide. " 

"but isn't that good? they are out of your mind." 

"exactly, we are scared of the emptiness." 

 

________

Some days were good days. and sometimes we're bad times. Tyler told himself this ever since he was a kid. It made him feel better. Because some days, he got ice cream and a day outside in the sun, and sometimes, he got stuck in his room holding his head while he screamed at the voices to stop. 

Sometimes happened too much these days. 

________

 

"Are you happy?"

"of course."

"what's it like?"

"being happy?"

"yeah.."

"tyler. you've felt happy before." 

" i know.. but i wanna know how it feels for you." 

"hm.. well it feels soft. like.. your favorite blanket..But it's suffocating.. like it takes you over and controls you."

"are you sure that's happy? isn't it supposed to be a good feeling." 

" i never said it wasn't." 

 

__________

 

Life goes by too quickly.  
Days Turn to weeks, weeks to months and month to years. 

It was Tyler's birthday and Josh wasn't there. Why should he? Tyler wasn't anything special. This day wasn't special. To anyone else it was just a Tuesday. It held no importance. 

He knew josh had already wished him a happy birthday at midnight when the day technically started, but schedules didn't always correspond. 

Tyler's brain told him to sleep and never wake up, so he took a nap.  
______

"Josh, Look at me!" 

" i can't."

"please.. i know you can do it." 

"i'm scared." 

"i know you are, but that's okay."

"i can't do this anymore tyler. what if i mess up?"

" you won't.. i have faith in you."

" what if that's what i'm afraid of?" 

"my faith?"

"no.. you."

_________


	2. Death inspires me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> forgive me father for I have sinned

"you know you want to do it." 

"i don't."

"it would be quick.. and painless."

"shut up."

"tyler, do it! take the pills, go to sleep. it's that easy." 

"get out of my head"

"i know you want this. Tyler don't fight this. don't fight me!"

"Go Away!"

"come on. Do It! TYLER DO IT!"

"STOP!"

"YOU ARE WORTHLESS! NO ONE LOVES YOU, YOU THINK THEY WILL MISS YOU WHEN YOU ARE GONE?!"

"JOSH LOVES ME! THATS ALL I NEED!"

"HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU. "

"You are lying!"

"I'm the only one who will ever understand you Tyler, just accept that already. Now.. take the pills." 

"alright." 

____________

Josh's leg bounced anxiously as he waited. Blurry got Tyler. Something Josh had promised would never happen to him. He let him down. 

Shoes squeaked on the linoleum floor, black vans with red socks. He looked up and saw Tyler, smiling. 

"i'm sorry josh." 

"don't be sorry.. let's just go home."

"okay josh." 

 

______

 

_________"Tyler.."

"..."

"why won't you talk to me?"

"..."

"it's lonely now.. "

"..."

"yeah.. i know, you won't talk. It's not your fault you know.." 

"..." 

"I was supposed to be there for you." 

"..."

"I've failed us both." 

"..."

"I miss you." 

"sorry."

______

Tyler spends most of his days asleep. Ever since he came back from the hospital nothing has been the same. Their late night talks have stopped, the small signs of life have disappeared. 

Coffee cups aren't left around the house anymore, loose notebook paper with black ink scribbles no longer laying over the tables, Tyler's ukulele was left in its case in the bedroom. The only thing that proved Tyler had lived was the quiet sound of a depressing piano riff played over and over again at four in the morning every day. 

It was sad, like Tyler wasn't their anymore. Josh missed it, missed the idle chatter while he washed dishes, the way tattooed arms would wrap around his waist while he tried to practice drumming, the smile that he never saw anymore. He missed his old Tyler. 

"please come back to me Ty."

"I never left." 

___________

**Author's Note:**

> This was really taxing on my mental health.. but whatever. I just wanted to write something like this.


End file.
